entry 11

[riscotti]

she

the reason i constantly feel like i'm not good enough

the reason i cry

the reason i don't dare to pick myself up when i fall

the reason i'm a perfectionist

the reason i'm so deadly afraid of making mistakes

the reason i get sensitive so easily

the reason i'm afraid to admit what's true

the reason i'm so afraid to fail

the reason i'm so afraid to do anything

the reason my sister moved out and thus

the reason i feel so alone at home

the reason i have no one at home

the reason my sister lost so much

the reason i learned to hate

the reason i fell into depression

the reason i picked up smoking

the reason i won't quit anytime soon at all

the reason i hurt myself

the reason i banged my wrists until they bruised

the reason i cut my wrists until they bled

the reason i constantly want to kill myself

the reason i almost did

the reason i always will

the reason i just may really do it one day

....

i just want her to be proud of me

i just want her to for once, support me

i just want her to utter a meaningful 'good luck' for my presentation

i just want her to love me unconditionally

why?

why why why why???